Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
