Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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