those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
