Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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