Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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