I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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