no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
