Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
