there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
smell my finger.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
