Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
