There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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