just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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