and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
