Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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