Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
