i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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