She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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