I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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