Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
