Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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