im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
