I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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