You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
