The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You were trust falling into bushes
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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