Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
