If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
