i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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