btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
