I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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