My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
