I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
