omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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