I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This girl is more easily done than said...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
