You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
