If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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