Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
