I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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