I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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