i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
