I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
