You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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