if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
