Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
