haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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