how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
