I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
