i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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