1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
