I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
