I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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