During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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