she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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