I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
